Here are some lovely photos from Gideon’s angel day and birthday
This is Benedict with Gideon’s balloon. He played with it a lot. So a photo was hard to get.
This is Gideon’s Angel Day cake. I spent a long time trying to get it right. The arc was supposed to be a rainbow, but I ran out of time…And it kept falling apart.
We tried to have a lovely day for Gideon. As if he were with us. But I can always feel very keenly, the lack of Gideon’s physical presence on beautiful sunny days like that. I miss him. A lot.
If you are new to baby loss, I want you to know that it does get…easier, the pain is still there, I still miss him a lot, but the rawness has gone, that huge gaping raw hole has somehow become less…consuming.
At the start, when the world seems so cruel, and devastating and you don’t even want to wake up up in the morning and the grief is this clawing animal ripping your heart to shreds with every breath, you can’t imagine ever living a “normal” life with that kind of loss. But you do. I still miss my Gideon, every day. It isn’t just something I say, I don’t just remember him on his special days. I actually think about him every day of my life. His picture is up on the walls of almost every room, I remember him. I think about him. I love him. I miss him.
And somehow time keeps moving forward, taking me further and further away from the year that we met and said goodbye.
And even when the memories start to fade, and the little pieces of the days we spent together become less clear in my mind, and the evocative memory of his smell, his warmth, his tiny hands…even when all of that is a struggle to unearth from my mind, I still love him.