I’ll be going on our camping holiday on Monday. I bet it rains…and pours. Either way I’m going to enjoy it, I’m going to take Gideon’s teddy bear with us, so in our own way we are taking Gideon on his first holiday – camping in England.
And…I’ll be testing on Thursday to see if I have been successful on my first month trying to conceive. Thursday is Gideon’s due date, I thought I’d do the test then, two days before my period is due. I don’t expect it to be positive, but I know my Gideon will send me his little brother or little sister when the time is right, whether that’s now or in a few months.
Mainly though I’m going to try and relax for the next couple of weeks, so I can come back and try to get things going again in my life, do some writing, some exercise, some weight loss. And find the inner peace with everything that has happened and the choices I was forced to make. I found that since Gideon’s death, I’ve been unable to make any decisions at all, I’m completely paralysed by fear at trying to make even the smallest, most insignificant decision. I used all my decision making power throughout Gideon’s life…I’m all tapped out for now.