This month I am taking 100mg days 3-7, as last month’s ovulation was not good.
Next month I’m taking a break from clomid…
NO, this month I’m getting pregnant!! THIS MONTH I AM GETTING PREGNANT!!
This is going to be my month.
I am going to have a September baby.
Tomorrow is Christmas. More than anything in the world I wish I was spending it with Gideon.
Or I wish I was pregnant.
Unfortunately, neither of those are true.
My cycle ended today, just in time for Christmas day. I was expecting it, but it didn’t make it any easier to deal with. Moving on to my 9th Month ttc. I’ve started saving for a fertility consultation and IUI. But I don’t know how long that will take.
But onwards to 2012. Hoping it’s a better year.
I got my referral to Dr F at Liverpool! I was surprised it was so easy, the doctor agreed right away and just took some details to add in the letter, and said to come back if I got pregnant to hurry it through.
The waiting list seems to be about 6 weeks. Which is fine. And apparently he is wonderful and kind man.
It’s not just that he’s a specialist in the field of second trimester loss and incompetenent cervix, but also that he will treat me like an individual, instead of a statistic. Instead of “you need another few losses before we’ll do anything” he looks at my case as an individual and at my circumstances before making that kind of statement. And that’s what I need.
There is no way to describe the relief of getting this referral. I don’t know what he’ll do, I know what I want him to do, but I know he knows what he’s doing, and any decisions he makes will be based off years of knowledge and my personal history, instead of ONLY guidelines.
It’s so good to know we are heading in the right direction now – towards hope, a plan, tests, everything I need.
It is something I can hang onto this Christmas, as I try to get through without too many tears and a smile on my face.
Well, that sums up my last couple of weeks. We bought a small christmas tree, and we bought Gideon a tiny little christmas tree
Yep, that’s Gideon’s tree. And we bought him an ornament
I used glitter to write his name and the year on the back. We also bought him a christmas stocking
So. It does look lovely here, I just wish more than anything that my son was here to celebrate it with us. Oh I can’t stop imagining what it would be like to have Gideon here right now, his first christmas.
And clomid is making it even harder. But we keep going.
One day. I’ll earn my dreams one day.
We are all chosen, to walk a path,
It may not be a path we would have chosen,
And it may be a path we wish we wouldn’t need to walk,
But chosen we are.
Our paths lie ahead of us, crossroads intersecting, dead ends,
Mountains that seeme endless and impossible to climb,
Roads that veer off to unexpected destinations,
To dark forests where the light seems impossible to find
And the darkness is complete and disorientating,
But we know, we must know, that the forest has to end,
That the mountain has a peak,
That the light is still there, waiting for us.
And no matter how lost we feel right now,
In our forest,
Climbing our endless mountains,
We know a beautiful road lies ahead,
An easier road, with warm sunlight,
lined with wildflowers, dancing in the gentle breeze,
And it will carry us to a beautiful meadow,
Filled with golden buttercups and simple daisies,
Where we will at last, as our prize,
Find our heart’s desire.
And walk with the light forever.