I have them. I decided to go into the open surgery to see a GP today. I walked in, she knew exactly why I was there (I’m thinking word of the ‘crazy woman’ travels fast) and she was resolute in not giving me any medication. She didn’t know who she was dealing with, she thought I’d meekly crawl out the room…I quoted studies at her about how infection can weaken the amniotic sac, she said that they wouldn’t know what antibiotics to give me anyway as they have no idea which infection I have. I told her that Metronidazole is a good one if you don’t know the specific infection, she claimed it wasn’t safe to give me, I told her I had it last time. This went on for a while, in the end she said it was “up to me” damn right it is! I got them. I know Metronidazole is not tested for safety in pregnancy, you know what know though? Infection has been proven to cause pPROM, preterm labour, stillbirth and neonatal death. I’m thinking the untested antibiotics are the lesser of two very frightening evils.

Of course I understand that my records now list me as an anxiety ridden nutter (if they didn’t already). But who cares? I’m protecting my baby here.

And the way I see it, anxiety is a problem if I’m anxious that I’m going to be attacked by a lion in the street, or if I’m anxious that a meteor is going to hit the earth, it isn’t a problem if I’m anxious that I’m going to have pPROM when I have a 30% chance of having pPROM. That’s called common sense.

Now if I’d had a perfectly healthy, normal pregnancy last time, with a healthy little baby in my arms now, and I was anxious about pPROM, perhaps THAT would be a problem!

If you knew that there is a 30% chance of rain and you are wearing your best coat and had just had your hair done, would anyone call you “anxious” if you took an umbrella with you when you went out?


When flare turns to “oh sh*t”

Where to even start? Perhaps with the constant radioactive green discharge that I woke up to this morning. (If you don’t like reading about stuff like this, I’d advise stopping now) Sounds worrying right? Well not to my midwife apparently. According to her and the pregnancy ward, I shouldn’t worry unless I bleed. Yes, don’t see anyone until you’re already miscarrying.

I’ve spent the whole day trying to get someone to listen to me. I even went into A&E, and somehow she was there too. I was just sent away with “You’re too anxious” yes, because in a pregnancy after pPROM green discharge is my friend. Apparently I should stay home and not try to save my baby.

So here am I, home now. Waiting either for the infection to get worse and miscarry/PPROM/Kill my baby or cause sepsis or for it to magically disappear. They did take a swab, I’ll know by Monday. I’m sure the infection will just wait until then to get worse.

I also have cramps, I feel ill, I’ve been making myself eat today, but I’m not hungry.

You’d think after everything that happened last time, they’d care, they’d care just a little, they’d actually try to give a sh*t about the life of my baby. But no, of course not. Why care, I can always have another right?

14 weeks and a flare

I’m 14 weeks today, and I woke up feeling like hell. I spent the morning worrying that it was pregnancy related – infection or something, but then I recognized the signs of flare, just not sure what set it off. Normally I don’t get many flares in pregnancy, and I suppose this is the first in about 9 weeks, so…that’s no so bad, since I’d get a few a month normally. Just hoping it’s just that – a flare, and nothing dangerous for my baby.

No energy to write much more. If everything goes to plan I have a gender scan in 15 days, something to aim towards.

Life on bedrest

I have two rooms to bedrest in, one is my bedroom upstairs the other is in the dining room downstairs. I spend most of the day semi-reclining in bed, writing, drawing or watching old TV shows. My husband brings me food and water, I have a mini fridge and the dog sometimes comes in to see me.

It isn’t an exciting life I lead, granted, but I try to keep busy. Sometimes I’ll go sit in my chair in the living room for a while, or wander into the kitchen to keep myself active, but I try to do as little as possible. Every couple of weeks I have an appointment with a doctor/midwife/diabetes specialist and that gets me out the house.

Every month or so I plan on going out for a coffee and a sandwich to give me something to do.

This is my life, and hopefully will remain so for another 17 weeks at least, then I’ll take it easy, but reduce my bedresting a little. 17 weeks isn’t that long in the grand scheme of things.

I am planning a scan at 16-17 weeks, probably a private scan, as something to look forward too and to find out gender. Then I’ll get my 20 week scan and then take it from there.

After cerclage removal, I’m going to have to do some strengthening exercises if I have the opportunity before the birth. Otherwise I’m going to be weak! And it’s surprisingly tiring doing nothing…

View from my bedrest

13 weeks yesterday

I had to go all the way down to Liverpool again, as Dr F insisted I follow up in the pregnancy clinic. Well what a farce that was! We arrived and the line was huge. Of course I’m not supposed to standing up for any length of time, especially not doing that old British pastime of queuing. But, frustratingly I had no choice. So we stood in a line for ages, just waiting to see reception…when I finally got to reception I asked them if they understood why I was here. I didn’t want to do all the booking in with a midwife, I was just here for a post cerclage and diabetes follow up. I said this with the feeling they’d booked me in to do the whole midwife thing. I was right.

They actually expected me to have ANOTHER midwife and travel all the way to Liverpool to see her. I pointed out that 1) I’m 13 weeks 2) I’ve had my scan 3) I’ve had all my bloods taken and 4) I already have a midwife closer to home.

Once that was sorted I was allowed to go sit in a packed waiting room with the sort of people you might expect to find at a pregnancy clinic…in Liverpool. One woman seemed to have a new baby in her arms, was pregnant again, and had a toddler running around her, another seemed to be about 14 years old and heavily pregnant…I decided to pay no attention and started reading my kindle.

When we finally went in, I got to meet the reason for my long and very tiring visit. A doctor who clearly assumed I was an idiot. Granted she saw a lot of people every day, but that was no excuse for the way she treated me. Instantly she started talking down to me, I got “do you know how dangerous it is to have high blood sugar levels for baby” OH really? I thought it was GOOD for baby, all this time here I was thinking how great it was that I have high blood sugars.

The fact that it was ME who told Dr F that my sugar levels were off because I’d been monitoring myself, like last time, she chose to ignore. I explained to her that last pregnancy I  monitored myself and no one believed me when I said I had GD at 9 weeks, I was only tested at 24 weeks, she skimmed over that one too.

Then I had “has a doctor explained GD to you,” I forced myself not to roll me eyes at her. Then “we don’t want you having a very large baby” OK, so I couldn’t ignore that one, I pointed out that my last baby was just 1 pound, 15 oz, I don’t think a large baby is going to be a problem, considering it’s not likely I’ll get to term. I wanted to point out that if I go early, a larger baby will reduce the chances of intraventricular hemmorhaging, the same thing that took my son, but I held my tongue. She told me that “it was beside the point” that I’d had a small baby last time.

Then she told me to increase my metformin, I wanted to explain that metformin works slowly and will not provide instant lowering of blood sugar levels, because it works to increase my cell sensitivity to insulin, not have immediate effects. But instead I said that I’d already tried that while trying to get pregnant and it didn’t agree with me. So she said I’d probably end up on insulin.

Fed up by her attitude problem at this point, I told her I was transferring to my local hospital, where I was already seeing a diabetes nurse and doctor and that I would prefer not to come back to her this pregnancy. She seemed to agree and that was that.

All in all, it was a useless wasted visited with an ignorant and condescending doctor. She didn’t even follow up on how I felt with my cerclage, if I’d stopped bleeding or if I had any pain. And by the time I got home I was really crampy and uncomfortable – I do NOT travel well. Luckily I wont need to do that again, hopefully until next pregnancy…

Luckily I’ve been keeping myself busy  with writing and drawing. I’m writing a blog/website for dairy free folk, I review products available in the UK and do recipes and such, and I’m learning to draw over at drawspace. This was the drawing I completed two days ago.

It’s keeping me busy, the days are long on bedrest, and it can be so very frustrating not being able to do anything. But all for a good cause.


Hippopotaplum at 12 weeks

I had my 12 week scan today. And there she was happy as can be, measuring 2 days ahead at 12 weeks 3 days. My new due date is Jan 22nd! I think she was asleep before the scan and we woke up, she wiggled her bum around at us. I tried to get a glimpse of the nub to see the gender, but it wasn’t easy, I *think* it was girly though, it looked flat instead of pointy like a boys. Nothing to tell in the pic though, she wasn’t the most accommodating ultrasound tech.

12 weeks 3 days

I love how you can see her little face. Her head shape looks different to Gideon’s, but it’s hard to tell.

Hi there little hippopotaplum!

Now onto the second trimester, this is when it gets really scary boys and girls.

All stitched up

It was a long, and not very nice, visit to the hospital yesterday. So far my experience of Liverpool Women’s has been lovely, but yesterday not so much. I went in, and got my own room – a good start, then asked for a scan before I went to surgery but they said no! I’m not so sure why, considering checking on baby before surgery seems vitally important to me, but not to them. So no scan before or after. Then I went down to surgery, got all prepped and then mentioned my latex allergy and that’s when all hell broke lose. Apparently despite all my allergies written on my notes, they still didn’t know and the theatre was made up with latex. So they had to remove the latex cap and send me away. It was 4 hours later before I went back down to surgery. Being both pregnant and diabetic (at least while pregnant) I was not happy. I hadn’t eaten or had anything to drink in over 17 hours!! I was so dehydrated, but luckily my blood sugars didn’t drop too much, in fact they remained steady, which for me is amazing, since only a few days ago they dropped right down to 2.9 or  52 which is counted as a hypo. So it could’ve been BAD! Gideon was keeping an eye on me for sure.

I was pretty angry by the time they came for me, I was very concerned about my button and the ketones that must have been floating around with the dehydration. But I went back down to surgery and they tried to put the latex hat on me again!! I shifted away from them and told them once again “I’m allergic to latex” and they told me that the hat wasn’t latex. Another nurse approached and said it was.

By this point I’m annoyed and scared about the incompetence. If I hadn’t said anything the first time then the would’ve operated on me, with latex – while pregnant. I dread to think.

They did get a needle in my hand this time, not the wrist, but by the time they got me to sleep I was crying. I was afraid for button. They kept saying “breathe, breathe” to keep me calm.

Afterwards, I didn’t have any real pain, they offered me pain relief but I didn’t need it, there was some bleeding, medium red bleeding, now it’s just a bit of light red/brown spotting. it does hurt a bit down there, but nothing serious. I was also ignored for over 5 hours after the surgery, no one came to check on me or to see how I was. I was just  left alone, anything could’ve happened….

I’m on my internal antibiotics as well to prevent infection.

The hotel was not up to expectations though, we had stains on sheet, dodgy looking pubic hair in the bed and tatty decor. Not 4 star at all. Sorry Heywood House, you have no right to your 4 star rating, I think you need re-rating.

But we had a lovely time together, and my husband even persuaded a nice restaurant to do a take-out meal of hummus and calamari to keep me happy!

This is my wedding ring and engagement ring.

My wedding Ring

See my lovely fake nails, those are gel nails, I had them put on for my wedding day and went to get them removed at a neighbours house, who works in the same salon. Well…an hour later and lots of soaking and the nails would NOT come off. It took me hours of scraping, soaking and pulling to get those damn nails off. I do NOT recommend them at all, what the heck are they made off? Asbestos?

Oh and some amazing news. I came home and got out my doppler to try and find baby and was just about to give up when I heard a sudden train-like beating, my little button, he only stayed around for about 5 seconds, but he was there, maybe slightly faster than my Gideon. I cannot tell you the relief I felt hearing him/her.

That’s all. I’m now on bedrest! I have a scan on Friday and then onto the second trimester. I’m 12 weeks tomorrow.