Posterior Tongue Tie

So Benedict did have a tongue tie. I knew it. He had a moderate posterior tie which was clipped and a lip tie which wasn’t.

I’m hoping clipping the tie will help some of the problems. I know it could take a while for Benedict to adjust to his new tongue, but I hope its soon. Latching was great immediately after but not so good since and just awful last night. He wouldnt open his mouth. Today I am seeing a lactation consultant. She doesn’t know that I went private but I don’t think she would have been able to diagnose it. I’m hoping she can help him latch though.

He also has too have yet another blood test for his jaundice. It had dropped but not enough. He still looks kind of yellow.
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It’s strange I can watch him turn more and more yellow as I feed him. Hoping for a lower number so we dont need any more tests.

Appointment tomorrow

Benedict has an appointment to have his tongue/lip tie looked at, by a private ENT doctor in Manchester. It’s quite a journey with our…fussy high needs Ben, and very expensive, but it has to be worth it if it could help him at all. If there is an issue, the doctor will clip it there and then, snip snip. It could help him latch better and access his milk better, it could stop the all day crying and the constant feeding. It could, but it might not. If not, at least we know we did everything we could to ensure he was not in pain, uncomfortable or deprived of anything. 

He is super cute and keeps us on our toes day and night. He is giving us such lovely smiles right now. All those smiles make the hours of screaming worth it.

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Isn’t he the cutest? He is six and a half weeks now and some nights he even sleeps for 2.5 hours. Mostly he goes 1.5 hours between feeds, even at night. But he is doing so well trying hard to sleep in his moses basket, at least for part of the night, the other half usually ends up with me falling asleep with him in bed, not ideal, but…there you go.

this was him this week

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He is really so amazing, and he’s teaching me how to act fast and figure him out in order to avoid total meltdown. Sadly I’m a slow learner, or at least not fast enough for him. Don’t these little guys come with manuals?

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Nah. Who needs a manual?

Somehow this week we also found the time to do a bake sale in aid of Bliss charity. They charity for premature babies. My mother and I baked like crazy people and caused all manner of chaos which my husband then cleaned up. But it was a success as we raised £40.

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Cupcakes made by mother, that cake made mostly by me, while breastfeeding at the same time, and a bara brith which got slightly burnt. I’ve eaten FAR too much cake over the last few days! And my waistline is showing it. No more cake for me. While I can’t exactly exercise, or even cook while holding onto a screaming baby (seriously you CAN NOT put Benedict down for a second, no, do not even try!) I can try not to eat an entire packet of biscuits in one sitting.

Ha, the fun of it!

Here’s hoping that tomorrows appointment is the solution…if not it should at least make breastfeeding easier.

Reflux and tongue ties

My poor little man. For the past couple of weeks my poor little man has been suffering from reflux, at first it wasn’t too bad, but he would cry and cry and cry for 6-12 hours a day. I thought that was bad.

Now he just cries so sadly, his little voice has gone hoarse from the acid and he just whimpers at us in pain with the saddest little cry. We’ve tried everything, Ranitidine, infant gavison, caroblel…nothing is helping him. Today we resorted (after much research) to giving him some adult gavisocon which helped a little.

Hours spent researching on my phone during feeds led me to check for a lip tie, he looks like he has the most severe lip tie, and this led me to a posterior tongue tie. The end of his tongue is notched…I was told very clearly by my midwife that he does NOT have a tongue tie. I read through all the symptoms, I looked at his tongue, I know a posterior tongue tie and lip tie go hand it hand and basically I’m fairly certain he has a tongue tie. This would explain EVERYTHING, right down to his horrid reflux, to the screaming, to the mammoth feeding sessions lasting 4-5 hours at a time, because he can’t get enough milk with his bad latch. He is always hungry, I have never seen him satisfied, breastfeeding still hurts 5 weeks on, he clicks as he sucks, milk comes out the side of his mouth and his nose while feeding and afterwards, my nipples hurt and come out looking crimped in the middle and like a lipstick. He struggles to gain weight…he cries endlessly he has “colic” he has reflux, he has terrible gas, he never sleeps properly, and is a very light sleeper…and on and on. And so I’m 90% sure (especially with the notched tongue) that he has a tongue tie, but we are still waiting for a referral to get it fixed and I want the upper lip tie fixed too as when he latches he can’t flare out his upper lip at all, and it prevents him opening his mouth properly.

I have spent the last 5 weeks watching him in pain, not knowing what was going on. Could it all have been prevented by someone checking him for a less obvious posterior tongue tie? Oh I hope we get a referral soon, I don’t know what else to do other than sit here and listen to his pitiful, croaky cries and worry about him. After watching Gideon suffer so, I hate to sit here and watch Benedict suffer too.

He finally reached 7 pounds a couple of days ago. It took THAT long to gain weight. And no one will help, for 5 weeks I asked to be transferred to a lactation consultant and I was told “Not unless he loses weight.” Where is the support when you need it?

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You know you’re sleep deprived when….

Your husband asks what you want to do for Valentines day and the only bedroom activity you can think of is sleep.

You fall asleep without realising it while doing everyday tasks and only realise you were asleep when you wake up and realise that talking pandas aren’t real and were likely a dream.

You think talking pandas are real.

You hallucinate talking pandas.

Your brain rebels and forces you to sleep by creating a very real dream.to make you think you’re awake.

You become increasingly paranoid about any number of silly things: food, the weather, talking pandas and their existence.

While having conversations with others, you can hear them talking, you know they are saying words, the words seem familiar, but you can’t seem to process or understand what they mean.

People stare at you, or give you strange looks while you are talking because although you think you are making sense, you are actually talking gibberish. The words you are saying are real, but they have no meaning in the context. Nope, not even to talking pandas.

You wake up from a sleep convinced only seconds have past, to discover two hours have gone by.
You wake up from your sleep unable to remember who you are, or whose baby that is screaming.

You refer to three hours of straight sleep as a ‘good’ night.

You refer to four hours straight sleep as ‘amazing.’

You can fall asleep while writing a blog post.

You write a blog post referencing talking pandas.

You sleepily write said blog post at 2am while a decidedly unsleepy baby painfully breastfeeds for two hours while breaking wind repeatedly on you.

Baby vomits two hours of milk on you and instead of getting changed you only smile, clean yourself up with a well used tissue and try to sleep.

You later use the same tissue to blow your nose.

You have little recall of any of this the next day.

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Monthly Progress Report

I thought I’d do a monthly progress report.

Age: 1 MonthIMAG1957_zpsde97e7ec
Weight: 6 lb 10.5 oz
Weight gain: +1.5 oz
Length: 21 inches
Percentile: 0.4
Clothes Size: Newborn (length wise newborn, but not even filling out tiny baby yet)
Hair Colour: Brown at back, blonde/brown at top
Eye Colour: Bluey Grey

Hours of screaming per day on average: 12-18

Hours of sleep per day:
5-12

Food: Breastmilk occasional top up with nutramingen

Likes:

  • Snuggling and sleeping on mummy and daddy
  • Breasts
  • Eating
  • The pram (while moving only)
  • The car (while moving only)
  • Gripe water
  • Cloth nappies (only when dry)
  • Screaming
  • The bouncer (for a few minutes)
  • Baths
  • Loud and low sounds
  • Fantasia on Greensleeves
  • Jupiter
  • Pirates of the Caribbean (music)
  • Woodwind instrumentals

Dislikes:

  • Sleeping
  • Being put down
  • Being wet
  • Being cold
  • His swing
  • The taste of ranitidine
  • Hats
  • Being changed
  • Farting
  • Having a poop
  • Canon (Pachelbel)

Meds/illness:
Ranitidine (for reflux) 3 times a day
Gripe water (and plenty of it)
Milestones:

  • Smiling (since about 8 days)
  • Cooing (since about 3 weeks)
  • Vocalizing other than crying
  • Trying to kiss us
  • Tracking objects (since about 7 days)
  • Tracking objects (since about 7 days)
  • Staring at faces
  • Staring at objects
  • Staring at high contrast objects
  • Lifts head and shoulders while on tummy
  • Holds head at 45 degree angle
  • Bears weight on legs
  • Holds head fairly steady while being held
  • Notices toys
  • Reaches for hanging toys
  • Bats at toys
  • Attempted to lunge forward while on tummy
  • And rolled over twice (not managed it regularly though)

Funny Quirks:

“Chooses” which breast to feed from. When I put him on the centre of my chest he flings himself to his desired side. Very amusing to watch. And he’s usually right in choosing the side he is due to feed from.

Gets very excited when he sees the breast and starts shaking his head in excitement.

Not lactating? No worries, Benedict will latch onto your nose…or chin…or neck.

Words To Describe Him:
Energetic
Lovable
Funny
Cuddly
Sniffable
Snuggly
Sensitive
Inquisitive

A Month Old

He is one month old today. One month. My little man has grown up so much, it’s like he’s been here forever. When I imagine life without him, I can’t. He has completely consumed my entire existence, and I love him so much.

The last month has been so much harder than I ever thought possible. I have been through so much on my journey to get here, I thought I would handle this part much easier, but the trials are only just beginning. Life with a newborn is very much a challenge. A challenge filled with amazing and wonderful moments. Moments where I hold my dear little boy and am filled with wonder that he is mine.

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Moments of watching his daddy holding him and seeing how happy he is, how happy they both are. Benedict loves his daddy.

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First trips out, walking the dog and taking Benedict in his pram (rather than a sling to try and help his jaundice).

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Today, we went to our favourite coffee shop, for the first time since the birth and Benedict seemed to love sitting in the sunlight, just relaxing. I’m hoping that it has really helped that jaundice, which seems to persist no matter what we do. But a strange photo arose from that, I know the light was shining on Benedict when I took this, but it strangely looks a little like wings…I was surprised to see how bright the picture came out.

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On the way back he broke into hysterics when he realised he was hungry. Benedict has the ability to go from 0 to hysteria in seconds, so we had to stop and park so I could feed him, he felt much better afterwards.

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And that is Benedict’s day.

Oh and here is playing the air drums for me.

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Three Weeks

I know it’s been ages since I posted. I write these posts, then before I can check, edit and post, Benedict wants feeding and I save the draft and forget about it. I’ve got loads of half finished posts just sitting there. Right now Benedict is snuggling on his daddy, so I’m taking the chance to actually finish writing one of these up.

Benedict has been struggling to gain weight. He’s now 3 weeks and two days and he’s still 1.5oz down from his birth weight. Luckily these last two days he gained 2.5oz, so the health visitor is not as worried as before. The doctor thinks he has reflux, which makes sense, he tends to spit up a lot many times a day, screams all the time, wants to eat constantly, even though he can’t possibly be hungry and when he lies down he starts coughing and choking and sticking his tongue out. We’ve raised his bed, and we tried thickened feeds using Carobel – as prescribed by the doctor, but the thickened feeds made things much worse for him and he was gagging and sick. Right now we are just doing what we can to keep the reflux under control.

I suspect it’s caused by an overactive letdown. Basically the huge jets of milk that come out during letdown are far too fast for him and this causes him reflux, stomach ache, lots of wind, and far too much foremilk. There isn’t a lot I can do to make it easier for him, but it’s hard to watch him crying and choking on my breast, he never wants to unlatch himself so he sort of pulls away – still attached to me (ouch). Eventually he’ll unlatch screaming.

Getting too much foremilk is also probably why he is struggling to gain weight. I keep him on one side for two hours, since he likes to cluster feed, to make sure he gets all the hindmilk, which seems to be helping a little.

Some nights we even get some sleep…a few hours at a time sometimes depending on how Benedict feels.

I love him so much, I feel terrible that I can’t help him and it’s my milk making him hurt. I hate seeing him suffer, watching him hurt takes me back to watching my Gideon in NICU. I know it will get easier for him as he gets older – he is so adorable, so perfect.  My perfect little rainbow.

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I was going to upload more photos, but it’s not working right now. Until I get another moment…