Phew, that’s a title and a half.
Today, I am 30. It also happens to be UK mothers day…well on Friday, little B (Benedict) was admitted to hospital for failing to thrive. He gained just 3oz in a week and fell further in his charts, much too far below the 0.4th percentile for my comfort. That combined with 18 hours of screaming a day and I was worried. It was US who demanded someone run some tests. We.had been voicing our concerns for weeks…and of course once we arrive in the hospital ‘to get him checked over’ we are not allowed to leave.
I’m intelligent enough to understand what was happening. The implication was barely hidden below the politeness of the doctors and nurses. Little B was not allowed home, they had to observe him. Really, they wanted to observe us, on suspicion of neglecting him. Starving him. Me with my 16 hours of nursing and endless concern…me who had been begging for help for 8 weeks.
So we stayed in. They ran NO tests at all, nothing. Just watched us through the windows of our room as I held him, rocked him, bounced him. I jiggled him around the room for 2 hours when he got cranky and wouldn’t sleep. The nurses soon dropped the idea that we were neglecting him. The head doctor agreed. The doctor who had admitted us wanted to observe him some more. Lucky the head doctor pulled rank. I was also told time and time again that I was spoiling little B by holding him. They took him from me to put him down, they told me to let him cry it out. I disregarded them and held him anyway..but it was nice to know we had gone from neglecting him to spoiling him.
Two days and a night in hospital and not one test was ran on little B, not one. They did weigh him before and after feeds a couple of times. We were just told to top him up with formula. We had already decided to do that before he was even weighed. We had even bought in cow and gate comfort.
He likes the formula. I hate seeing him get it though. It’s something inbuilt, it goes against all my mothering instincts. But I nursed exclusively for 8 weeks, he struggled to gain. I gave it everything I had, every penny in the bank for a tongue tie clip. Sometimes you have to accept that you need a little extra help. He took 2oz after I nursed him last night and slept for four hours straight. Five hours since I had fed him. My breasts are hugely engorged. The milk is there.. I think more is happening than low supply, but we will see how he is.
Anyway, happy mothers day, especially to the mothers whose children fly high.
A special picture of my perfect little boys together.
Notice how alike they look? If you didn’t know better you’d think they were the same person, only older. I love how they look so alike. It’s like seeing glimpses of my angel. Of course they are very different little boys, but it’s nice little B shares looks with his older brother.
And thirty years old!!! This is what comes to mind when I think if the last decade. In my twenties I…
- Had a premature baby
- Buried my son
- Had a full term baby
- Went to university three times
- Was a teacher for a year
- Nearly completed a distance learning degree
- Lost my father
- Got married after 12 years together.
- Moved a total of five times. Twice a big move.
- Moved to the seaside
- Went to south Africa
- Travelled round the east coast of south Africa staying in backpackers lodges (sheds)
- Took up smoking
- Gave up smoking
- Gained over 150 pounds
- Lost 90 pounds
- Fed my baby exclusively by pumping
- Pumped for two months to donate to a milk bank
- Read probably hundreds of books
- Wrote six books
- Got into debt
- Went to Belgium
- Travelled round England and Wales with a tent and no plan
- Went to Edinburgh
- Went to York
- Went to Bath
- Learnt to drive
- Failed my driving test
That is all I can think of right now.