Happy Angel Day to my Gideon

Happy Angel Day my Gideon.

I’ve been a neglectful blogger. Turns out the magical 3 month mark for screamy baby’s…not so magical. Little B has been showing us his voice still works – by screaming at me for hours a day. I’m somewhere between losing my mind and going insane right now. I’m leaning towards teething, but who knows. The nursing refusal is the worst, I have no idea why he wont nurse, but will happily scream away instead. It’s making me bonkers.

Anyway, here I am. Happy Angel Day my Gideon. I’m sorry we didn’t get all the pictures we wanted, and I didn’t post as often as I wanted, but know I was always thinking of you – every single day I thought of you. I remembered all those days. And I remembered this day 2 years ago. The hardest day of my life to date. I hope I never have one harder.

We are sorry you can’t be here.

We are sorry we had to say goodbye

We are sorry we couldn’t make you well again.

I’m sorry my body failed you.

But we are happy for every second we spent with you.

I consider myself blessed to have known you.

Thank you for the days.

Thank you for little Benedict and his loud voice and strong lungs.

We love you.

Mummy and little B together before we went out to release a balloon.

P1050018All three of us together – not many photos of all three of us. I love the little blue light on my head. I think thats my Giddy. Talking of blue, why is this text in blue?

Daddy and the balloon, unfortunately it was so windy it got punctured so had to be released prematurely.


Benedict in the car on the way to release the balloon.

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Rainbow cake for our boy. Not perfect, but done between crazy screaming.


The cake inside didn’t work so well. It was supposed to be blue and yellow – it turned green.



Note this post was written TWO days ago, but not posted due to crying baby situations. Yesterday in the post refers to 05/04 LOL I am very behind on posts and pictures!

My little whinging ninja was SO fussy yesterday that I completely forgot to take a sunset photo (duh), but my dear friend Mandy took one in Alabama, and it’s gorgeous.

Here is sunrise from yesterday. My husband tells me it was too overcast to get a good shot 😦



and here is the sunset picture from Alabama



How beautiful is that?

And for today’s poem


And had I known with certainty today,
Had I seen, had I been sure
What I know now; all I have known
If I could skip ahead to where I am,
Forgo all those days of hurt,
All the tears I shed,
I’d still live it all,
I’d still do it with joy
All to have known you,
Beacon of my dreams.

More Sunset/Sunrise Photos

Sorry I missed yesterday. I had a dentist appointment, which meant a long drive as NHS dentists are hard to come by, (don’t get me started on that one) so I have to go far. And we arrived home, literally just in time to get B to bed. LONG day. Anyway, B is asleep next to me on the sofa. Every once in a while he stirs and I pat him on the bum. That seems to work.

Anyway here is B this morning

Smile B smile

Here is the sunset and sunrise from 3rd April

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I took some wonderful sunset photos yesterday as we were driving home (with B fussing around in his car seat).

This is sunrise. Not a great shot as my husband took it in the morning from the grubby bedroom window (lol)


and these are the sunset ones taken from the car

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And this inspired my poem for the day:

Trails of fire fingertip across the day,
Both bright and quenching of light,
Touching the fluffy clouds of dreams,
With the softly glow of alpha and omega.
And I am drawn to you,
End of days, light of evensong
I am drawn to you and know you
Light of night; fires of the day.
My daily prayer.

April is National Poetry Writing Month

Apparently April is National Poetry Writing Month, NaPoWriMo so since I love writing poetry so much, I thought I should the impossible task of joining in with the 30 poems, 30 days. Of course I suffer from extreme fussy baby syndrome right now. And he’s currently fussing as I write this because I put him down – next to me – for a nap. Oh such cruelty of me to put him down. I’d rather snuggle him of course.

Anyway, I’m THREE days behind schedule. So I best get writing.

I’ll start with a nice British weather Haiku

spring, promising warm
days here, frozen lambs instead
of yellows in bloom.

and another haiku that I just wrote at the top of my head right now. I’m not sure what this is about.

wayfarers, fight bugs
on the windscreen strike
down hopeful sirens cry.

And a cute Benedict picture to complete. Wait, I have a sunset/sunrise photo to upload.



Little Bee loves his baths!

Sunrise from yesterday

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These sunrise shots are taken by my husband from his delivery van. He works nights so he’s always around during sunrise. Except tomorrow. I think he’s not working tomorrow. So we may miss sunrise, I can hardly expect him to get up early. But little B tends to wake me around 7ish, so we might get it anyway, I’d just rather not wake little B up.

The sunsets are all taken from the same place – our house, as we can’t leave at that time, due to little B’s bedtime. But we still get some lovely shots.

This is the sunset from last night

sunset0204And this is the sunset in Alabama, from a wonderful friend of mine. Thanks Mandy!