The Minki Bee

So I’ve been very busy, working on something new and great. My mother and I have started a custom cloth nappy business – The Minki  Bee. (Yes I’m advertising! Go like us before finishing reading this blog post) Of course, she’s doing the sewing for now, I plan on learning soon in order to ensure we can keep up with orders. There has been a brilliant initial rush, which we are still working on, after that I hope we can continue to get orders through. We deliver internationally too and let’s be honest. How cute is this?

doctor who

OK, I admit, I’m a whovian 😉 If you are not a whovian, how about this?

planets

Benedict can now say Dada, Mama, Yaya, Gaga, goo, gee and ning. Ning seems to mean he’s tired and goo and gee seem to refer to my boobies, althgough I’m not sure which is which!

Here is his 6 month picture, with current stats ( It’s silly because I haven’t done one in ages, but here it is.

7month

Now he is currently sleeping in his cot. Well not currently, but he has been transferred to cotland from his moses basket his month. He really doesn’t do naps, it’s my biggest battle. I wouldn’t mind if he didn’t NEED them with a BIG NEED. He is SO cranky without them. He will literally scream all day if he doesn’t nap. It is THAT bad. But getting him to nap is impossible, some days he will only fight me for about 40 minutes of screaming and then eventually sleep for 1.5-2 hours, the rest of the time he just screams for an hour until I give in and take him downstairs.  Incidentally I’m not just letting him scream, I’m right outside, coming in to hug him when he gets upset. But I’ve tried ALL the methods, nothing works. He hates napping. But oh he is such a happier baby when he does. Happier as in completley different – cheerful, relaxed, smiley. Right now I’m writing this as he tries to nap. By tries to nap I mean rolling around his cot.

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Rolling around is his new favourite thing. He likes to roll everywhere, he sees, he rolls, he gets into all sorts of mischief. He rolls to plugs and pulls out laptop cables, he tries to eat cables, he licks shoes, he tries to eat nappies (not clean ones) and soon I just know he’ll be crawling because he’s up on all fours rocking whenever he gets the chance.

Motherhood is such a strange thing. I never imagined I would be where I am now. Worrying about naps and cranky babies…it seems such a “normal” part of motherhood (OK, Benedict is slightly crankier than most I understand, but still), and something I never thought I would experience. If you’d even told me when I first lost Gideon that I would be here, right now as I am, trying to make a go of a cloth nappy business with a 7 month old baby in tow, I would have either laughed or called you crazy – or both.

There’s been a lot of loss in some of the pPROM groups over the last couple of days – women who were in their “rainbow” pregnancy, losing another child. It’s so awful and not fair at all. And I think I am too scared, for many different reasons, to even have another child. I’d love to have one more, but it hasn’t been easy, infertility, pPROM, incompetent cervix, cerclages, gestational diabetes and the worst SPD ever…how could I ever do bedrest with another child? How could I even look after a child with the SPD that was SO bad last time that I literally could not physically walk, even with a cane. And most of all, how could I risk losing another child?

Obviously I’m not thinking about getting pregnant any time soon, but it comes up in conversation? How many children do you have (umm….two, please don’t ask people that question, it’s complicated to answer), how many do you want (want or are likely to have?). I know nothing is guaranteed in life, but I don’t think I would have got through the last pregnancy without bedrest, and I had an irritable uterus too. So sometimes I look at Benedict and try to remember that I might never get a chance to experience all this with another baby and I think that’s hard for me to imagine. Life passes by so fast, it’s hard to keep up. Benedict is already 7 months old, soon he’ll be crawling and then walking and then before I know it he’s going off to school (unless I homeschool which I might).

And I can’t help thinking that the further we get into the future, the more I leave behind my Gideon in my past. I’ll always feel his missing presence in our lives.The little boy who should be here, annoying his little brother no doubt and causing chaos 😉