Happy Angel Day Gideon

4 years ago today, was the hardest day of my life. I had to say goodbye to my wonderful baby boy. We had only met 17 days before, but I felt as if I’d known him forever, and forever we will remember him. I know I think of him every single day of my life, some busy days go by and I realise I haven’t thought of him, but he will be the last thought as I close my eyes at night. My angel. As I look over at Benedict sleeping, I think of Gideon, so far away, and I remember all the time we spent together. I am proud to be his Mama.

Today, we went to the Seaquarium – I went by wheelchair as I’m 21 weeks and it’s a scary time, plus my SPD is very severe. Benedict loved the Sea Lions but was a bit uncertain about jellyfish and sharks (because he knows that they can hurt from Octonauts). Then we decided on the spur of the moment to take him on some rides on the little fun fair along the promenade. He went on a helter skelter and a little rollercoaster with his daddy, and then we had chips at a little cafe. He thought it was all brilliant, but he still said he loved the Sea Lions best.

Overall, it was an enjoyable but quite a hard day, I felt close to tears sometimes, but we had a lovely time and we released a balloon at the beach . When we got home I made gluten and dairy free ice cream brownie cake, Benedict sang happy birthday, I did suggest angel day, but he knows birthday, so we sang that.

There are some pictures but my phone isn’t allowing me to access them, so I’ll add them another time.

Happy Easter

I’m 20 weeks today. So half way (or more than halfway as I doubt i’ll go full term). It is also Easter Sunday and so I made Benedict an Easter Egg hunt, he searched around the garden for things, mainly small sweets and an Easter egg and chocolate bunny. but he preferred the stickers, he doesn’t eat many sweets or much chocolate, when he does he only has a bite or two. He had a good day in the garden with daddy and Nana, while they did gardening, I cannot do much of course, so I knitted. A blanket for this little girl. I can’t knit anything more than a blanket at the moment, but I need to relax a bit, so I’m knitting a sampler blanket.

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I have my anatomy scan  on Thursday, and an appointment at the high risk clinic on Wednesday. It was meant to be the diabetic clinic, but i did my GTT on Thursday morning and I tested my own blood after the two hours and it was only 5.1!! Which is amazing, so I think somehow I passed! No diabetes. At least for now, but by the time they took it it was over 20 minutes, and 5 stabs later. Plus a long walk to find a better phlebotomist. Silly veins.

But I do have the anti ro to consider, and baby girl needs monitoring for heart problems. I’m just glad I have my own doppler to keep an eye on her heartrate, because due a “mix-up” with my rheumatologist, I’ve been unmonitored. My rheumy wrote to my GP and told them my tests were all negative. My consultant checked for me, and my anti ro is positive, my ANA is 1:1280 and I have p-anca. So, hardly negative, so I’m hoping to see a better rheumy as a matter of urgency.

The anti ro can cause heartblock, so I’m monitoring my baby for bradycardia daily. Autoimmune wise I’ve not been well this pregnancy, better than not in pregnancy but I’ve felt a persistent low level flare, and of course the sun doesn’t help. I just need to get another 17 weeks and I baby can be safely here.

a link about Anti ro for those interested. It doesn’t mean i have SLE (lupus) for definite, but with the ANA and my symptoms, it seems a fairly straightforward diagnosis.

And here is a nice photo of the fog tonight. It’s very creepy indeed, I can’t even see the ocean from my window.

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