On 30th March, my wonderful little angel would have been 4 years old. If he was going to be traditional schooled, he would have been going this September. I think he would have been a very excitable little boy running around, playing with Benedict, causing chaos and filling my house with noise and laughter.
But he’s an angel. I don’t know what he looks like, or anything about him. I can only dream of what it would be like to see him again, and try to remember every tiny detail of his little body and face. I can only imagine the kind of boy he would have been and how different our family would have been if he had survived.
I made him a cake. An owl cake that Benedict chose from pinterest.
We usually release a balloon on our local beach, but apparently holding onto a balloon was too difficult for my husband and he lost it before we got it back to the car from the shop. So no balloon release today, it breaks my heart. I know Gideon doesn’t really mind, but I worry he might think we have forgotten, or not bothered with his balloon.
But we had cake. Benedict offered to blow out the candles for him, and we sang happy birthday. And next year, if all is well, we’ll do it all with a little girl too. With extra balloons. That I will hold onto.
So happy birthday Giddy yums. Words cannot describe how much I miss you or how sad I feel that you cannot be here today. But you are always with us, and we will love you forever. You have sent us not one, but TWO beautiful rainbows and both of them will know all about you and celebrate your life with us.
Today, Benedict asked “where is Giddy?”
Dancing in the clouds, my love. He is dancing in the clouds.