John was working all day and I can’t drive, so the balloon was released in the garden.
That’s my kitchen in the background, try to pretend it looks tidy. I get to go see Gideon’s grave tomorrow, it’s been 2 weeks, which isn’t that long, but I miss visiting weekly. It’s just too far to come.
I can’t believe Monday is the angel day. 1 year since we said goodbye, since I held him as he grew his wings. 1 year. Nothing has changed here at all. I never expected to be here, 1 year later and no closer to a rainbow, and no Gideon in my arms, but here I am. And I suspect here I’ll have to stay…for a while to come.
Forgot to add a picture of Gideon on this day. This day last year was the day my Gideon pulled his vent out. It was also the day things began to go downhill fast, he’d just has his heart medicine for the duct, and that night he pulled his vent and got really agitated and angry. Later we discovered he’d had a second serious brain bleed. It was this that eventually took him from us. I regret not asking to kangaroo care him this day, because he was so angry and wouldn’t calm down or accept his CPAP, he just kept hitting it off, if I’d help him I KNOW it would have helped.
I also can’t help wondering…what if he’d never been given those meds and had never had the second bleed would he still be with us now?
Tiny Glimmers 