Balloon of Life Day 17

This is the Last Balloon of Life Day, tomorrow is the Angel Balloon Day.

Today’s balloon of Life was a little bit different in that I released it for Gideon, and for another angel who went to heaven a couple of days ago. The mother’s first child was stillborn a couple of years ago and then her second little boy died at 6 days old. She too had to remove life support. I am heartbroken for her. And I knew Gideon wouldn’t mind sharing his balloon with another little angel. So for that little angel and my own little angel, the balloon of Life Day 17.

This is where we released today’s balloon. These are the walls of Conwy Castle. We climbed the stairs to the top of the walls, and looking out over the whole of Conwy beneath us we released the balloon.

Conwy Castle Walls

This is where we ended up

On the walls

The view shows the main castle in the distance one one side

View from the walls

And on the other side hills, could there be a better spot to release today’s extra special balloon? Somewhere in this picture is the balloon in the sky, but not sure where

Hills

And here I am with the balloon, looking a bit windswept. It was very windy up there

Balloon of Life Day 17

So, tomorrow is the big day. The cake is baked and iced, the decorations are drying, I’m trying to keep it together. But it’s hard, I remember that day with much sadness and some regret. My life changed so much in just a few minutes, as I watched my son die I knew nothing would ever be OK again. My life would always be about that, missing my son, my angel.

And after tomorrow, then what? I have so little to look forward to, I try to stay positive and hope and I dream of the day I finally get pregnant, but I know that might never ever happen, and if it does I have a long journey ahead of me until I get my rainbow. I want so much to hope, but I am so afraid to hope.

But either way, even if I do wake up tomorrow to a positive pregnancy test, this day is all about Gideon, not about that. This is Gideon’s day. The day he was born into heaven, the day my heart broke, the day I cried until I couldn’t breathe again.

It’s all about you little man.

Oops forgot to add today’s photo. This photo breaks my heart, he look so ill, and so heavily sedated. I think he was already in another place at this point, I swear I could feel him around us for the few days before we said goodbye, I could feel him near me, I could sense him, as if he was getting ready to say goodbye.